The Lover is the part of ourselves that seeks connection, pleasure, and joy; she encourages romance, sex, creativity, and liberation from societal expectations. As we age, our relationship with the Lover may change. Illness, trauma, exhaustion; childbirth, relationship dynamics, ageing bodies. Moments that often ask her to step aside for a while, out of protection, necessity, or simply priority. But it’s important to note that, as the years pass and this connection wavers, our Lover is never lost, simply waiting.
When the time comes and we feel ready to reconnect with her, we should welcome her in every facet. Not only the romantic and sexual, but also her admiration for uncomplicated joy. Take a moment to watch the birds bathe under the sprinkler in the afternoon sun. Listen to your favourite album from start to finish. Allow yourself time for a solo dip in the ocean, even if only for 5 minutes. By finding experiences that gladden your heart, without any expectation, you begin to invite your Lover back.
Turning inward to both shared and self-intimacy, it’s helpful to pause and listen to our minds and bodies, considering what may have changed. Remind yourself that care and love can be offered without condition, and that curiosity can be introduced without pressure. Where intimacy once sped towards a predetermined outcome, it may now simply exist as a moment of connection. We can allow pleasure and intimacy to be expansive, not solely sexual or ‘productive’. A dimly lit bath. The scent of Vessel’s Lover in the air. An honest conversation with a gaze held just a moment too long. Deep kisses, hands on thighs, and secrets whispered. Sex doesn’t need to be a singular thing with a singular outcome.
Of course, alone or with another, forgotten intimacy doesn’t reappear overnight. We need to choose it, cultivate it, and communicate it. With bodies that may not move as they once did, or daily schedules a little tighter than before, find your own definition of intimacy. And let it be fluid, evolving as you evolve, attuning to whatever season of life you are in.